Don’t Teach Your Child to “Follow Their Passion”

My son said it quietly when he was 13. We were driving home from school when he tried to explain that he didn’t want to attend summer football workouts anymore. He wanted to try cross-country instead. He had lost interest in helmets and shoulder pads and was drawn to the runners’ community.

That was in 2017. Years later, he earned a college scholarship to run and earned all-conference honors in his senior year. At the time, though, none of that was visible. He was simply curious about something new.

A few years later, the pandemic shut down indoor volleyball, so my daughter tried beach volleyball just to stay active. What started as a temporary pivot became something she committed to. Over time, that led to state championships and a Division I college opportunity. Again, none of that was obvious at the beginning.

My oldest daughter’s story looks different. She enjoyed athletics but was never especially passionate about it. Since graduating from college, she’s found her footing in the corporate world. She works hard, takes responsibility seriously, has been promoted, and has earned company awards multiple times. Her success didn’t come from intense passion early on, but from steady commitment and effort.

Looking back, what stands out is not how passionate my children were at the start, but how willing they were to stay with something once they chose it. Passion came later—if it came at all.

That observation aligns with research suggesting that passion is rarely the starting point. More often, it’s the byproduct.

What I’ve Learned About Commitment and Passion

Passion isn’t the root of achievement; it may become the fruit.
Rather than teaching children to chase passion, it’s wiser to help them commit to an interest for a season. Passion may grow from that commitment—or it may not—and that’s okay.

Here are a few principles that have helped along the way.

It Starts With Interest

If a child has no interest in a voluntary activity, parents should move carefully. Forced participation rarely produces growth or joy, and it often damages motivation over time.

Let Them Choose

Children benefit from choice, even when options are limited. Parents can guide the menu, but ownership matters. When a child chooses the activity—even reluctantly—the commitment is more meaningful.

Define the Commitment Clearly

This may be the most important role parents play. Children need to know what they are committing to and for how long. A clear endpoint makes perseverance possible. During the commitment, help them show up consistently. Matthew 5:37 tells us our ‘yes should be yes, and our no should be no.’ When the season ends, let them decide whether to continue.

Focus on Improvement, Not Outcomes

Achievement can be motivating, but improvement is sustaining. Encourage children to measure progress against their own growth, not someone else’s success. Competition can be informative without becoming defining. Young people who learn how to work at something ‘with all their heart, as working for the Lord…’ are very likely to improve. 

Notice What They Do Alone

Proverbs tells us to consider the ant that works without being told. A meaningful sign of emerging passion is when a child demonstrates ‘ant-like’ behavior: practicing or exploring an activity without being prompted. Solitude, experimentation, and a willingness to sacrifice free time often signal deeper ownership. 

Stay Grounded About Potential

Not every interest leads to elite performance, and that’s not failure. Media narratives can distort expectations. It’s worth remembering our own journeys at their age. Healthy realism protects children from unnecessary pressure. Your child was created uniquely by the loving God of the universe, which alone makes them elite. 

Model What You Expect

The best parenting advice I may have ever received is to stay close to your children and keep working on yourself. Children notice inconsistency quickly. If we expect discipline, growth, and effort from them, we should be pursuing those things ourselves. Continued self-work keeps parents credible and connected. 

Understand What Passion Really Is

Passion isn’t intense enthusiasm. It comes from passio, meaning “to suffer.” A passion is something you’re willing to endure hardship for. This is why the account of Christ’s crucifixion is often referred to as his passion. Early on, too much suffering usually ends the pursuit. That’s why commitment must come before passion, not the other way around.

A Closing Thought for Parents

It’s worth pausing to ask whether we are pushing our children to feel passion before they’ve had time to build commitment. What if our role is less about helping them find the perfect thing and more about teaching them how to stay faithful to something worthwhile for a season? In doing so, we may give them a gift far more durable than passion—the ability to choose, commit, persevere, and grow.

God Bless & Go Eagles!